The Female Orgasm. Science can’t explain it. Women can barely explain it. There is no practical purpose for a woman’s orgasm – as far as science can tell us. But, they do exist.

And, we know women like them. ?

Male Orgasms Vs. Female Orgasms

Comparing male and female orgasms is like comparing a bag of microwaved popcorn to a full four-course meal. One takes timing, preparation, and someone who knows what they are doing over the stove – and the other one takes about 2 minutes and pretty much anyone can do. I don’t mean to trivialize men’s orgasms, but holy shit, women have a way more difficult scenario to deal with.

For (most) men, a decent amount of friction is really all we need to get off. It’s the truth, for most of us a stiff breeze would do in a pinch – there isn’t a huge mental aspect required to achieve orgasm. Now, I am painting with a very broad brush here, but these generalizations are just that: the case for most people. Women on the other hand (for the most part) NEED to be mentally involved and focused to achieve a full orgasm.

Since I am not a woman, I asked Rachel to tell me how what it’s like to have to focus so much to achieve an orgasm. She said, “It’s like you have to be 100% focused on what is happening and if something breaks the focus, it basically just kills the chances of having that particular orgasm. Bye, bye orgasm. Bye Bye.” That seems like a huge amount of mental focus required to do something that, for most men, comes almost second nature. Not to mention the stigma that many women grew up with around sexuality — it’s no wonder why women have more difficulty than men with orgasms.

But as men, what do we do about that?

The online world is a nightmare of misinformation. There was one blog I read that suggested “flicking the clitoris.” I don’t know about you, but before someone “flicked” a massively sensitive part of my body, I would like to know that it was coming – and how hard.


The online world has a million “tips & tricks to get your woman off, ” but hardly any of those sources mention ASKING YOUR PARTNER WHAT THEY WANT. Because women need to be so mentally involved in their orgasm, it’s OUR job (as their partners, whether you’re male or female) to facilitate that scenario…. you know, if we want our partners to have an orgasm.

So how can men understand what women need to achieve an orgasm? Because each woman is different -there isn’t a “catch-all” way of knowing what to do. And honestly, that may be a good thing. The only way (in my opinion) to know honestly what your female partner needs to have an orgasm is to ask. I know that’s hard.

Generally speaking, men don’t like to ask “how” to do things – we like to be the experts all the time. Guys don’t like to admit they don’t know something, especially when it comes to sex. Asking your partner for a better understanding of what she needs to have an orgasm can be a very challenging and humbling experience. But, if we can ask – you can open up an entirely new world of intimacy with your partner. Again, I’m writing this from my heterosexual male perspective. So, take that for what it is if you’re not straight and male.

The only way (in my opinion) to know honestly what your female partner needs to have an orgasm is to ask. @thewrightkyle Click To Tweet

Take Some Action

So guys, in terms of trying to understand and explain the female orgasm, I say to you, “Why are you reading a man’s blog about a female experience right now!?” Go right now and ask your partner what helps her get to just that perfect moment. Be open, responsive, interested, and humble. The thing you are asking to know more about is one of the most challenging and intimate parts of a woman’s sexuality, and you (we/guys) need to be the loving patient partners you know you are.

ALSO: Here is a map of the vagina. Cause, the more you know.

Here is the source of this excellent diagram!

Whether you identify as male or female, if you have a sex partner with a vulva, check out our Masturbation 101 Guide. If you identify as a woman, it’s a really wonderful way to learn about masturbation and begin feeling comfortable in your body. And if you identify as a man, you can get insight into all of the stuff women have to go through to be able to get into a sexual state of mind. It’s really not as simple as flipping a switch!