It can be difficult to ask for what you need in your relationship.
It can feel terrifying sometimes to express a desire, want, or need.
Making sure we get our needs met is important, and that doesn’t have to change when you are in a relationship!
Do you know what real support feels like in a relationship?
It feels like a warm hug of understanding and acceptance.
Being able to ask your partner for what you need to feel refilled is one of the best parts of a relationship, but somehow also one of the hardest things for us to do sometimes.
Living with a partner means your lives are intermingling on a day-to-day basis. Weird little habits get revealed, laundry gets folded a little differently, and a work/life balance is something to strive for. One of the best things about living with your partner is forming new fun or relaxing habits together! Snuggling on the couch is amazing, but what about the things you did to take care of yourself before your relationship?
Respect and support are two of the most important muscles in any relationship and like any muscle – they need to be exercised often to be reliable and efficient. Exercising your respect and support muscles is a two-sided effort to make sure both partners are feeling fulfilled and loved. What does that mean? What is the point of doing this?
Sometimes we need just aren’t in the mood to follow through with our plans. Perhaps we would rather stay home with a movie and a blanket instead of going out on the town. It is so valuable to have the trust and respect in your relationship to be able to bring these feelings to your partner openly. That practice is called “holding space.”
What is “holding space”? What purpose does it have in your relationship? When your partner knows that they can come to you with ANY question or request and be met with understanding and love, they know you are capable of “holding space.” It is a great practice for your relationship to “hold space” by listening to each other fully before responding.
If you are the “asking” partner in this situation, make sure you acknowledge that you need a minute of full attention to ask a question. It can be tough to “hold space” when you are at a noisy bar or driving in traffic!
PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
Listening entirely to your partner before responding can be oddly difficult at times, I often struggle with that! Hear your partner out, and focus on understanding where they are coming from before responding. I promise it will make the whole conversation flow better.
By taking a second to understand where your partner is coming from and why they might be asking you for something they need – you show your partner that what they ask of you matters!
YOUR TURN TO ASK
Asking your partner for what makes you happy can often be challenging. It requires you to be open and honest with something that (depending on what you are asking for) many people may not know about you.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want! No matter what that is, if you have a good foundation of respect and support – there is no reason you can’t have it.
One thing to remember though, if you are asking to change plans, phrase it as a personal feeling, rather than a put down on the activity.
By being able to “hold space” for each other – you re-enforce the foundation of your relationship with respect and support. So ask your partner for what you want to be happy in life, and be excited to hear what they say!
Don't be afraid to ask for what you want! No matter what that is, if you have a good foundation of respect and support - there is no reason you can't have it. Click To Tweet
I would love to know how you ask for things in your relationship! Comment below or join the discussion in our supportive community on Facebook!