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Do you have the tools to communicate effectively in your relationship? We go over a simple 5 step process that you can use to communicate with your partner. It is especially handy for when you’re feeling upset or overwhelmed!
Not sure how to communicate with your partner?
Watch this video for our easy-to-learn five-step plan to communicate more effectively in your relationship.
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You ever wonder how it seems like we’re expected to know how to communicate effectively, but no one ever teaches us how?
You are so not alone, and by the end of this video, you will have three scripts so that the next time you have to have an important conversation, your partner will definitely hear you.
And we’ve seen these scripts work with thousands of couples around the planet Earth, and we’re super excited to share them with you.
Around the planet Earth? That’s a big place, Babe!
Step one, identify how you’re feeling and why. We can’t communicate what we don’t know.
I mean if you don’t know how you’re feeling, how in the world is your partner supposed to know?
There are more feelings than just happy, sad, and angry, just like there are more colors than red, yellow and blue.
And the more self-aware that you are of you, the easier it is for you to tell your partner what you’re feeling.
Step number two, ask your partner if this is a good time to talk, and if it’s not a good time to talk, try to schedule one. Have you ever been blindsided by something? It sucks!
Yeah, I’ve totally never been the one to do that to you honey. Oh, but seriously, it does suck, and setting a time really sets the conversation up for success.
And who doesn’t want that?
Step number three, use an I statement to describe how you feel.
And listen, an I statement is not just a sentence that begins with the letter I. Put very simply, an I statement goes like this. I feel blank when you blank. Or even I feel blank when blank.
Now an I statement turns what could be an accusation into an explanation. A good example is, you don’t call me when you get home from work. That’s an accusation, see, she’s leaving. But I feel sad when you don’t call me after work. That’s an explanation and a proper use of an I statement. The idea here is to open up a conversation, not to blame your partner, see? Now she’s back.
Because when you point the blame at someone, especially your partner, they’re gonna get defensive. It is human nature to defend when we’re feeling attacked. So don’t attack your partner, use those I statements.
Comment below this video and tell us how you feel about using I statements to talk to your partner. Are you scared? Are you excited? Are you a little nervous? Drop the comments below and let us know. Okay, only two more steps left.
Oh my gosh, is that all?
Step number four, and this one’s important. Let your partner know what you’d like them to do differently next time.
Because we don’t just want to complain to our partners. We want to give them some idea of what solution we’re looking for.
Otherwise, I would try to fix anything Rachel came to me with the only things I know to do, foot rubs and extra food.
I mean, that doesn’t sound too bad.
It doesn’t sound too bad but it won’t solve the problems she’s actually coming to me with.
Yeah, okay fine, I see your point. Step five, ask them how that sounds. This is the most important step.
I totally agree, I think that so often even when we come up with a solution, we don’t ask our partner, what do you think about this?
It’s true, and when you get into these conversations, it’s important to realize that you’re on the same team, and you don’t want anyone to feel like they won or lost the argument or conversation. If you view your relationship in terms of wins and losses, the only thing that’s losing is your chance at a happy future together.
Mike drop bomb?
Mike drop bomb!
I don’t know!
Pft! This question turns something that could be seen as a demand into a conversation, because after all, you’re on a frickin’ team!
And that’s it!