Over 4 years ago I decided I needed therapy. I wasn’t sure what was broken inside me. My libido was non-existent. My OB/GYN told me that “it would get better”. Books I read weren’t helping. The 5 love languages quiz helped a little. But, something was still “off”.
I still felt really guilty because I had a wonderful husband who wanted to have sex with me and I just didn’t want to.
What happened to the frisky girl? What happened to the adventurous one?
I talked a good game with talking about sex with other people. But, in reality, I felt shame, guilt, and an overall sense of unworthiness. My journey through therapy is a long story for another time. But, I’d like to share the first words I said to Rachel Wright (then Rachel Gibbs!)…
“I just want to be a better wife.”
And Rachel responded in a soft assuring voice… “I can help you with that.”
And my work began.
My husband was in full support even though my libido didn’t just turn right back on. There wasn’t a magic libido switch know matter how hard I looked. (And I looked HARD)
There wasn’t the right amount of days per week to have sex no matter how many times I asked. (I like to check things off my list. And sex at that point was on my to-do list for the week to be checked off like a chore.)
He was there supporting me the entire way and learning from me too.
What happened was I needed to heal Lori first before and libido flame fanning could begin.
Rachel and I talked about past relationships that hurt me, past decisions that I felt shame from, my current exhaustion of being a mom of 3 kids under 5, my poor body image. So many things that had nothing and everything to do with libido. My point here is working on libido is equivalent to working on your Self.
We as women need to heal before we can experience the libido we thought we lost. I learned so many mindfulness tools, communication skills, and coping mechanisms I was lit up to share them with anyone who would listen. My kids started recognizing the change in my behaviors. (Side note: working on yourself enhances your parenting too!)
My self-care shot through the roof. I prioritized time for myself, something I never did because I would feel guilty. Communicating in a clear manner with my husband instead of just clamming up and not speaking was huge! Even bigger, he learned from me and spoke to me in a clear manner also! We are now on the same page!
Can you feel my passion growing as I write this?
My work with Rachel concluded. My libido grew! I don’t feel guilty any more. I love myself. I am happy where I am right now in this moment. Maybe I will want to have sex today and maybe I won’t… and either choice is awesome.
As Wright Wellness Center grew, and Rachel Gibbs became Rachel Wright, I followed along and was an active member of the community. One fall day I posted in the Facebook group about women with low libido. The comments poured in. The idea came to form a support group for women just like me. Overwhelmed moms working so hard to not feel so lost. And Ladies and Libidos™ was born! Rachel and I are now colleagues and co-leaders of Ladies and Libidos™, a safe space for women to receive sex education, learn communication and personal development skills, and discover how worthy they are right this second. The libido is a beautiful by-product of cultivating self-love in our clients. I cannot wait to see where this goes.
So, when I met Rachel I said: “I just want to be a better wife.”
Now I can say, “I am Lori Knott and I am a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Sex Educator for The Wright Wellness Center!”
Holy cow that is amazing to write!
If you connect with my story, join us in Ladies and Libidos™ DIY. I would love to support you on your journey.
And if you’re not quite ready to dive into a program yet, I want to encourage you to check out this free handout, How to Ask for What You Want and Need in the Bedroom. Rachel & I created it together (with Kyle’s input) and will give you a feel for some of the stuff we cover inside of Ladies & Libidos™.