In simple terms, love is an action, not a thing.

When you realize this distinction, it becomes a complete game changer for you. It will fundamentally change how you view dating and relationships, and how you end up choosing people to participate in your life.

The reality is that real loving relationships take work to flourish and grow. Love does not simply exist without action. And it’s also why you cannot love people on a superficial level (that’s called ‘lust’ by the way). You can only love what a person does and how they act towards you and others. That is the true test of character.

I know lately, it’s been feeling as though the modern dating world has love a bit twisted. There is so much pressure on people to look a certain way, to appear to be a ‘package’ of sorts, seemingly perfect on paper. However, the reality is that it is not who you are, it is how you are that determines your worth and value in love.

The truth is that anything worth having takes work. And you know that because you experience it in your business and life on the daily! If you love and care for yourself, you will only invest in those willing to invest in you.

In simple terms, love is an action, not a thing. Click To Tweet

So what might true love look like?

Here are some concrete examples of love in action:

  • your partner making you chicken soup when you’re unwell
  • taking care of your spouse’s least favorite chore or errand for them
  • rubbing your mate’s back after they have had a long day
  • taking your partner’s car to the carwash, so they don’t have to

And some general ways of being loving in a relationship:

  • providing each other with affection
  • working together to resolve conflicts
  • communicating your feelings to one another often
  • validating and support each other

So how do you find people of this caliber when you’re just starting out in the world of modern dating?

You allow people to demonstrate who they are, not taking their words for the gospel and allowing actions to reign supreme. You allow people to express themselves fully and get to know them completely before making any judgments or decisions about them — or their compatibility with you.

This process takes time, and that’s exactly what you need to really get to know someone. Allow them the chance to demonstrate their feelings. Love is a living breathing thing, it must be fed attention and kindness. It must be taken care of every single day. 

So is it possible to fall out of love with someone in a relationship then? Not if we look at love as an action, because then it means it also becomes a choice. We can decide whether or not to stop caring for another. We can choose to stop being attentive to them and their needs.

How will you determine whether someone you are dating is invested in you?  What can you do today that will bring more love into your relationship? Comment below to continue the conversation, or head over to our online community on Facebook to talk more about this and other topics related to relationships, mental health, sex, and wellness!

Sally Kathryn is a Love Coach who empowers incredible single men and women to find and attract their forever loves, using many of the same strategies and tactics used to build and grow their business! When she’s not immersed in the world of love and coaching, you can find her cuddling with her adorable doggy and partner in crime, working out at the gym, or cooking delicious food to enjoy with her soulmate.