How do you make a marriage fun? There are so many things that make our marriage fun, however, they’re probably not what most people would think makes marriages (or relationships) fun.
Our friends have told us that we’re “so cute they could vomit,” which we’ll take as a compliment. ?
Every relationship is different. There are different dynamics, communication styles, age gaps, etc. etc.
This post is not research from a university.
It’s not a survey of 1,000s of people – this is a look into our life together. We’re sitting down, writing this together. ⬇️
We told you, we want to be as authentic as we can with you!
Throughout our relationship and marriage, we’ve learned how we work together.
When we first moved in together, we would have arguments about what to do on our days off (running errands vs. staying home and playing). We all have periods of growth and periods of stagnation. Regardless of if you think you’re growing or stuck, there is usually room for growth. We all have blind spots or things we can work on.
Whenever we got out with our friends, they say we are “ridiculously close” and they “don’t understand” how we work and live together.
The thing is – we really love each other and we work on our relationship a lot.
Here are some things that we decided are simple and make our relationship fun.
Total Honesty From Day 1, Literally
This is really the truth. We dropped all of our truth bombs in the first week we were “interested” in each other. It looked like this: hanging out, watching Law and Order: SVU, drinking good wine (we were working in the restaurant industry at the time), and telling each other our “dirty little secrets”. We both knew more about each other’s dating, sexual, and personal history by the end of the first week than most of our close friends did! We knew things about each other that we hadn’t felt comfortable talking about with other people. One night, we stayed up for hours telling each other our most interesting sexual adventures and each other’s preferences for moving forward. Something that some couples don’t talk about for years… we discussed night one.
Starting our relationship with zero secrets really helped us build a trusting foundation.
We Schedule Fun + Intimacy Time
(and no, it doesn’t mean we’re not spontaneous)
PEOPLE ARE BUSY. And holy shit, being an adult can be complicated. Then add kids? It’s impossible to get alone time together until they’re asleep… and then they wake up. (No, we don’t have them yet – but as a nanny of 10 years, being the oldest in the family, and years of working with parents – we understand the kid experience)
No longer do we get home from a night of drinking with restaurant co-workers, make a huge unhealthy dinner, have sex, and then sleep 8-10 hours.
Not only are we not in the restaurant industry at all anymore, but it’s a rare night if we aren’t in bed by 10 pm. Once we started working for ourselves, our sleep patterns immediately changed to be healthier. With so much going on each day it’s easy to forget to do the important things, like making love to your partner!
You don’t go to work and just ask your co-workers if they want to have a meeting totally impromptu, do you? You have to schedule a meeting! Otherwise, you can’t get busy people in the same room. The same logic applies to sex. If you and your partner are really busy, it can be tough to get together in the same room (or bedroom in this case – or couch or kitchen or wherever you get down).
If we wanted to have a good, consistent, sex life we had to learn to schedule it.
Same goes for things that don’t pertain to sex — Hiking, concerts, dates, all of these things are important to schedule for yourselves so you can actually do them!
When work is the priority, it can be very easy to ignore self-care.
We Do Things We’re Not Experts At – Together
Just today, we tried AcroYoga together at a popular locally-owned gym here in Denver. This was waaaaaay out of our comfort zones. While we both have done yoga on and off and enjoy it – the thought of holding each other up in the air freaked us the fuck out. But – WE WENT!
We not only realized how strong our communication skills were but realized that it’s really fun to feel like an idiot with your partner.
It was pretty hilarious – we both had no idea what we were doing – going in with no frame of reference. Rachel here. I’ll have you know that by the end of that 1.5-hour class – Kyle had me up in the air and inverted with my legs in an arrangement I didn’t know they could go in. Then, I held up Kyle and was the base! Then, Kyle held up this woman named Wanda. It was such an incredible thing to watch myself, Kyle, and all of the people around us trying something new and scary – but going for it and having no shame. It was a beautiful day.
We Communicate, Like, SO Much
Open Dialogue. Always. We talk about everything all the time.
That sounds like an exaggeration, but it really isn’t.
If communication is something you struggle with – you’re not alone.
We talk on our blog and in our Facebook group about how important it is to process the events of your life. We have figured out that we like to process out loud with each other – using each other as a sounding board so to speak. This way, we are often on the same page for the majority of our life decisions! We know what our goals are (both personally, professionally, and as a couple), we can help each other attain them.
When one of us gets up to go somewhere, we tell each other – “Hey, I’m running here… do you need anything?”
It’s also helpful to have this communication because it teaches us a lot about each other. You learn very quickly how your partner really sound when they are upset or what their face looks like when they are truly happy. By spending so much time communicating, you gain a better understanding of your partner’s behaviors. That makes you a more capable partner. And who doesn’t want to be a more capable partner?
We Have Our Weekly Family Meeting
We actually go over how great our Family Meeting is in one of our first blog posts but suffice to say our wedding, WWC, and our move to Denver wouldn’t have happened unless we did our own weekly WWC Family Meetings. Have you downloaded your copy yet? Just click here to get your free WWC Family Meeting instantly sent to your inbox.
There’s No Keeping Score Here
Whats the point?
We Help Each Other Prioritize Ourselves
This was hard to put into words, so read that title again. We all function a lot better when we feel supported.
One of the things we focus on in the WWC Family Meeting is going over the week ahead and asking each other for any added support we need for larger tasks. This enables us to plan ahead with our support for each other depending on what the week looks like.
We also make sure that we take time for self-care. It can be easy to just spend a little more time working instead of stopping a little bit earlier to take care of ourselves. Keeping each other accountable for self-care is just one of the ways we can support each other.
Rachel here again. Kyle makes sure that I take a bath once a week. If it were 100% in my hands, I’d end up writing blogs, or perfecting emails, working on the course, writing to-do lists, scouring Pinterest, thinking about my clients, reading new books, doing academic research…. you get the idea. But, enter Kyle. He ensures that at least once a week, I disconnect for 30 minutes and get into a scalding hot, essential oil infused bubble bath. Hence, helping each other prioritize ourselves.
We’re Honest + Open With Mental Health
Somedays you just aren’t feelin’ it. You slept poorly, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, stubbed your toe first thing, or just feel kinda shitty.
Sometimes you’re diagnosed with a mental health diagnosis – anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc.
Somedays your brain feels like mush – without a physical reason.
Sometimes you just have a bad day.
We aren’t psychic. We can’t read each other’s minds, no matter how hard we try.
Or, one of you has a mental health diagnosis and are going through a rough period.
TELL EACH OTHER IF YOU AREN’T FEELING WELL MENTALLY.
We decided it also needed to be bolded.
You spend so much time together as partners, you will grow to subtly know when each other is upset, even when the other claims not to be. So if one of you senses the other is having an “off mental day” and the other isn’t honest about it – it will only create space for an argument.
So talk. Share. Be open. Be honest.
Not to mention, if there is a clinical issue (a mental health diagnosis), make sure that there is some therapist or doctor involved somewhere with medication management OR at least 1-2 couples sessions to help the person with diagnosis feel understood and help the other partner(s) understand.
Here is some evidence of us making our marriage fun:
- Kyle here. I’m planning something secret for Rachel! Little surprises for each other keep the fun going, and make great dates. Or date weekend!
- Rachel once surprised me, in such a way that I don’t think I (or anyone else) will ever be able to top it. [She listened when I was describing a bar that I always wanted to visit in Chicago. The place is called The Aviary and they create some of the most inventive and incredible cocktails I’ve ever seen, heard. or consumed. They are also VERY difficult to get into, as they are usually booked way in advance. For an up-and-coming bartender (at the time) going to a place like that sounded like HEAVEN. MONTHS after I told Rachel about The Aviary, she surprised me with a trip to Chicago by getting me up in the morning super early on the pretense of running an early errand before we did something local for my birthday – only to take me to the airport with a bag packed in the trunk of the car that she had put there days before. We went to The Aviary and had an amazing time in Chicago and ended up falling in love with the city. That ended up leading to annual trips there — and my proposal to Rachel in Chicago!]
- We also love having a fun little routine of watching Let’s Make a Deal, sipping our coffee, and sharing what we’re grateful for together in the mornings before doing any work.
It’s up to you how to make your marriage fun, but those are some of our examples! How do you make your relationship fun? Want more tools to make it fun? Join in on the discussion in our Private Facebook Group! You can click here to request access.