Alright, what the heck am I talking about?

Should-ing? Must-urbating?

This headline is not click bait. I promise it’s not a trick article about masturbation.

I promise it’s not a trick article about masturbation.

This article is about must-urbation and should-ing.

What are these things you ask?


We do this to ourselves, to our partners and sometimes to our family and friends.

“You should try this restaurant,” or “I should go to the gym today.”

Shoulds lead to guilt and shame; whereas choices lead to action. Click To Tweet

Should is the most toxic word out of the two words we’re discussing today because it’s a silent killer. This word is engrained in our minds because of what society, our families, or even the things our partners tell us we “should” do.

Answer this: What do you WANT to do? How do you want to feel and what activity would enable you to have that feeling? 

Ultimately, every choice has consequences, whether they should or not.


I must do this.

While the word “must” is not as prevalent as the word should in our daily vocabulary, it tends to pop up now and then. It also has other versions – the most common being “have to.” Similar to should, the word(s) “must” and “have to” imply that the control is no longer in your hands.

As a graduate professor once told me after I told her I was going to miss next week’s class…

“Rachel, you can make any choice you’d like at any time. You don’t have to do anything in your life. Just remember, that every single choice has positive and negative consequences. AND, that other people are affected by your choices. *insert long pause* As long as you remember that and you’re making a choice for a reason you believe valid, you’re okay. Okay? We’ll miss you.”

It was one of those moments that you just don’t forget.

Click To Tweet

Now, let’s turn this around now and look at you and your life.

Where do you see yourself should-ing or must-urbating on yourself? At home? Work? Remember, you can get this easy worksheet for easy word replacements… cause you know I love my handouts!

As usual, I hope you truly learned something from this article. Please share your thoughts on this article in the comments below or join the discussion in our private online community. You can request access by clicking here.

Oh! And don’t forget, you can listen to us discuss the blogs each week on our podcast! This blog is discussed during Episode 009!

[*credit: Albert Ellis, Ph.D.]