When Kyle and I sat down to write this blog post together, we had two entirely different ideas of what touchy-feely meant.
Here’s a summary of the conversation:
Rachel: So, I love this headline, but what exactly are we writing about? Like, how is this post going to help people?
Kyle: Well, we’re helping people who are uncomfortable with PDA and people being in their personal space.
Rachel: Wait. What? Ohhhhhh, you took touchy-feely literally? I meant it as “mushy-gushy, I don’t wanna talk about my feelings!”
In honoring compromise, one of the most important things in marriage, we’re going to do the blog on both types of touchy-feely. Enjoy!
Kyle’s Version of “When Being “Touchy-Feely” Sounds Like a Nightmare.”
I’ve never been a touchy-feely person. Sure, I love physical contact and intimacy, but I never really held hands or did that arm on arm thing while driving. I just was not a touchy-feely person. Not in an emotional way, just don’t touch my hand because then our hands get sweaty and sweaty hands are gross.
Rachel likes to hold hands. She likes to put her feet on me on the couch. She likes the arm thing while driving.
I was not prepared for that.
I reacted poorly.
There was an argument.
I just didn’t understand! WHY was she always touching me? It bothered me! Like she was always needing contact, or always making sure she had my attention, I just couldn’t understand why she always wanted to touch me. Rachel explained she just liked the contact with me because she cared for me. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just tell me rather than show me – equaling sweating hands, which again; I am not a fan of.
Rachel explained that physical touch is HOW she showed me her love and that there was a simple test to help me gain a deeper understanding of how I show my love, and therefore a better understanding of her love of physical contact.
So I took the Love Languages test, and through it, I learned that I show my love through Acts of Service. Acts of Service means doing something personal for people I care about, for example, cooking home-made meals for almost everyone I care about, it’s how I show my love – by feeding people. My friends are lucky.
All of a sudden, it clicked.
The test helped show me how confusing it would feel if someone refused the way I was showing my love, so in my mind – declining a meal that I worked hard to make. The correlation the test provided me gave me a deeper understanding of why Rachel wanted to touch me all the time. Physical Touch is the main way she shows her love. With that understanding, I all of a sudden didn’t mind her physical contact as much. In fact, I started reaching out to touch her more, knowing that me speaking “her” love language would be really meaningful for her – scoring me great boyfriend points.
SO there you have it, my story about not being touchy-feely. I guess the moral of the story is to gain an understanding of WHY your partner does something because if you do, you won’t seem like an ungrateful jerk for not wanting hold hands during a movie, I mean, who cares about something so trivial.
If you want to communicate more with your partner about this, get your FREE WWC COMMUNICATION SCRIPTS ⬇️
Rachel’s Version of “When Being “Touchy-Feely” Sounds Like a Nightmare.”
To me, “touchy-feely” is talking about – talking about your emotions! For example, I vividly remember a chilly day in San Francisco – I was touring Alcatraz with my best friend, Kellie. I was dating this guy, who we’ll call “Aaron” for the sake of his privacy and humility. 🙂
Anyway, we were touring Alcatraz, and I was recording a video for Aaron, narrating our tour and then ending with ok “muah!” or “smooches!” I got a look from Kellie as though she was going to vomit. I asked her what was wrong. She looked at me and said something along the lines of “Well, that cell is disgusting and so are you!” I laughed and asked what she was talking about. She proceeded to tell me how “mushy-gushy” and “touchy-feely” I was – telling Aaron how I was doing throughout the day.
Does this mean that Kellie doesn’t express love to her husband, her family, or me? No way! She is one of the most loving people I know. But she’s not what most would call “touchy-feely.” Through our now almost 20 years of friendship, we have picked up a lot of traits from each other and she has definitely become more of a mushy gushy gal over the years, thanks to my persistent processing of emotions with her. Now I even hear her call her husband things like “love love,” and even talk with me about sitting with emotions. She’s an incredible lady. (Kellie, don’t kill me for writing this blog post!)
Being “touchy-feely” doesn’t have to be a nightmare.
Which one speaks to you?
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And don’t forget… if you want to communicate more with your partner about this, get your FREE WWC COMMUNICATION SCRIPTS ⬇️