I am writing this blog post because I recently got my heart broken.
It was one of those, didn’t-really-see-it-coming ones. (at least at the time, hindsight is always 20/20, right?) But I didn’t write this post to tell you all about the breakup. I simply want to share the lessons I continue to learn from heartbreaks and how they have made me stronger and more optimistic about the future.
Although I am no mental health professional or expert, I hope my experiences and insights can help you heal in any way. And even if you are not dealing with a breakup now, I think this post has some nuggets of wisdom to consider for your current relationship, future breakup, or self-development in general.
I know your emotions are going to be everywhere like mine were after a breakup. (and honestly, still are) There’s sadness, anger, loneliness, empowerment, clarity, confusion, hopelessness, betrayal, love and the list can go on and on. In my experience there’s no way to bypass any of those emotions.
> > > 🧘♀️ Click here to listen to the meditation for free on YouTube 🧘♀️< < <
So do what you need to do to get the icky ones out. I did all the normal things such as complain to my girlfriends, cry a lot, and listen to depressing breakup songs etc. Get your feelings out while they’re ripe, so they don’t get bottled up in your system for longer than necessary.
At some point during this emotional journey, you’re going to want to learn from your heartbreak. You’re going to want a break from all the negativity and see the light at the end of the tunnel. And as you delve deeper and deeper into the healing process, you will want to focus on what you’ve learned and gained from this experience more and more. So I’ve got a little plan set up for you including an exclusive guided meditation and food-for-thought lessons I’ve learned.
“Time heals all wounds” is a famous saying that most people say to help you get through a breakup. I think it’s true that as time goes on, it will be easier to move on. But you need to be on the right mental and emotional path for time to work its wonders.
Just like you can get used to being happy, you can get used to being bitter. So I think it really is a mix of genuinely coming back to a healthy state of mind and then letting time slowly take you to full recovery. In order to get to that healthy state of mind, I think it’s important to see through the lens of compassion & love, instead of bitterness, shame or revenge. Not just love for the other person, but love for yourself so that you can be easy with yourself while you are (possibly) dealing with any negative emotions or thoughts about yourself.
Here’s a short & sweet guided meditation I created for you , called Seeing Through the Lens of Love. It’s designed to get you into a loving state and prepare your heart for healing and self-growth.
> > > 🧘♀️ Click here to listen to the meditation for free on YouTube 🧘♀️< < <
Now that you’re in a more loving state, you’re in a better place to do some productive introspection. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from heartbreaks and the ending of romantic relationships:
We can look at how we can improve, because we always can
Whether you were the one who ended the relationship or not, there are always qualities that we can improve in our personal lives and the way we approach romantic relationships. Why? Because we are all a work in progress. During the breakup or times leading up to the breakup, harsh words may have been exchanged. Weaknesses and imperfections may have been pointed out or blown out of proportion. People act this way because of the mental/emotional disharmony within themselves, not because of the external circumstance at hand. You don’t need to take in those words as truth or feel guilty if you were the one who spurred them. All that matters is that we give ourselves the opportunity to look at the relationship from a bird’s eye view and learn whatever we can. We can all be more patient, more independent, more nurturing etc. so this isn’t a time for regret. Reflecting in this way doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong, it just means that you are always improving, like everyone else 🙂
We are all imperfectly perfect, always being worthy of love
Even though we can always better ourselves, we do not need to be perfect to love ourselves or have someone else love us. You don’t need to wait until any scars disappear because they probably won’t. Like I said above, we are all a work in progress so we can’t wait till we’re perfect to deem ourselves worthy of love. You deserve someone who will love & accept you for who you are- flaws and all. Relationships aren’t meant for only those who “have it all together,” for they’re meant to be supportive and uplifting. Because we all have flaws and insecurities, it’s important to feel comfortable communicating with any future partner and making sure that if problems seem to arise, you can address them together. You deserve someone who is truly committed to the relationship and will openly communicate with you.
It is freeing to evaluate our self-growth, for different things may serve us better
We are always changing and growing. Not only have we changed within this relationship, but our other life experiences have changed us as well, even subconsciously. This time of grieving/healing is a great opportunity to reflect on how you may have changed. Reevaluate your values, beliefs and likes/dislikes. Even if the relationship lasted for a short amount of time, you probably learned something about yourself and changed in some way. In addition, by the time you’ve recovered from this heartbreak, (and you will) you will have grown even more. It’s possible that a new kind of life partner might even be better for your self-development. It’s not about looking at your ex and pinpointing all the mismatching beliefs or values, but simply accepting that someone more fitting for your new stage of life might complement you better.
Accepting change is liberating
Like I mentioned above, circumstances and people constantly change. It’s just life and how it goes. The more we learn and adapt to change, the easier it will be the next time around. If you’ve been heartbroken before then you know just how much that pain has actually served you in becoming stronger as a person and more flexible to life’s circumstances. But it’s not just heartbreak that you are accepting, it’s different phases of your life. Just like you were able to enjoy parts of high school or college, you have moved on and accepted that those chapters are over. There are fond memories and some good lingering feelings, but not a desire to go back and relive those stages. You will always have love for your ex and nothing can diminish that love, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t let the attachment to them go. Accepting change in some form will make you more resilient. Just like the relationship with your ex ended, the relationship with a future lover may end as well. By embracing the constant ebb and flow of life, you are letting yourself love to the fullest while being prepared for things to take a turn. You deserve that much.
Learning or relearning complete self-love is a gift
We can always practice self-love, even when we’re in a relationship. Self-love on both ends make a relationship the healthiest. But now that you have this newfound time and freedom, you can take this opportunity to dive deep into your own love for yourself. It’s all about appreciating yourself to the fullest and becoming your own best friend again. Having a relationship is a great extension of your own joy and happiness, but I think we all need to know and love who we are before we jump into another romantic relationship. So take this time to do some self-care activities (aromatherapy bubble baths anyone?) and spend some time with yourself. It might feel weird spending so much time with yourself at first, especially if you did almost everything with your ex, but it will get better as time goes on. You don’t want to go into another relationship to fill that empty void that’s left behind, you want to be able to fill it in on your own. Eventually you’ll feel more of yourself again and feel the need for another relationship much less. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t think about having a relationship down the line. You can delve into self-love while also believing that you will meet another special someone when the time is right. Loving yourself and having faith of future love are not mutually exclusive. You can really have the best of both worlds! (Cue my girl Hannah Montana💁🏼♀️)
Exploring life beyond a romantic relationship can be exciting
The ending of a romantic relationship can seem daunting because it feels like so much time has opened up. Besides self-care activities and spending more time with yourself, there are so many other fulfilling ways to spend your time. Now is a great chance to start something new and get out of your comfort zone a bit. Is there a happy hour that you’ve always wanted to go to? Maybe you can take some friends or even go to an event by yourself.
These new independent experiences will eventually help build your confidence and self-esteem back up. It gives you the opportunity to make new friends and/or just enjoy the event itself. You can also take on a new hobby that interests you. And last but not least, don’t be afraid to express your creativity!
This time is very emotional but also self-defining so you can find new ways to channel your passion and creativity. Maybe paint a painting, write a song or create an empowering Instagram post. And if you find yourself inspiring thousands of people with a blog post, suddenly that one relationship gets put into perspective. 😉
Want to learn more about Jessie? Check our her website here.